And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Roman’s 8:28

The events of the last two months has shaken my confidence, mostly in myself and my ability to discern reality and make good decisions. Because the drug affected my brain and confused my judgments of what was happening around me, I started questioning if I could trust what I was thinking and feeling. It was a very destabilizing place to be, from which I think I am still recovering.  It’s also led me to question whether the above verse is true – how could this be for my good?

It’s made decision making very difficult as I’ve felt paralyzed for lack of knowing the consequences of my actions and fear of getting it wrong.

But this is wrong thinking based on a wrong idea of God. Is He a father who lets us make huge irreparable mistakes without warning us? No, and to be clear, nothing is irreparable with God.  Or is he a father who condemns us for our mistakes and rubs our noses in it til we’ve learned our lesson? My actions sometimes betray such beliefs.

No! God is NOT out to punish, to bring down, to weaken. He describes himself as a good shepherd, tenderly looking after his sheep. Or a mother hen brooding over her chicks. Or the best father who knows how to give good gifts to his children.  Condemnation does not come from Him.  He does not want me to be confused and doubting but faith filled and of a sound mind! He is not out to make me less stable and able but more – in Him! He is more involved than I give Him credit for.  If he allows me to go through testing and trying times it’s because He knows the end result and is committed to seeing me through it.

God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted [or tested] beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. 1 cor 10:13

May my confusion be replaced with clarity, my doubt with faith, my fear with trust in the goodness and sovereignty of God. May my response in trial be that of this song, Trust you Jesus by Aaron Keyes (watch on YouTube)

 

For ultimately, though it’s comforting to be able to trust in one-self, my confidence is misplaced if it is not at root firmly placed in God the Father.  His steadfast love is not shaken when I am. His resolve and commitment to me is unwavering though I doubt him.  He is my Father, my dad whose love is unconditional, strong and pure, not based on my actions, abilities or faith.  In fact there are NO conditions to it, whatsoever!

Thank you God of all the universe, who I can call my dad.  Fill me with the knowledge of this love, so that I may be confident in You.