Origins are an important thing – something’s beginning tells a lot about what it is, what it was made for.
After my ‘episode’ in Africa this April, my rather extreme reaction to larium, to be precise, Tim and Cath suggested that I do some writing to help me process, to ‘leave something special for your kids and friends’. Writing for my children seems an appropriate place to start, and I certainly won’t run out of material with such a subject!
To go further, this experience has faced me with my own human frailness, my mortality in a way I’ve not experienced before. In my confused, larium-toxified mental state I was under the impression that I only had weeks to live, that time is running out. It threw me into panics, which of course isn’t right. But the truth is that our time is running out. Only God knows how long we have here, and nothing we do can guarantee ourselves of any more of it. The best we can do is make the most of it – live well, love well, be present in each moment to whoever we’re with. So I want to pass on something of that to my kids too.
I don’t naturally stop very well; I don’t think many people do. Recovering from this episode has forced me to slow down. It’s my desire that this blog would help me develop a pattern of slowing down, of looking deeper, closer at life, and as a result to live more fully, more richly. In cramming lots in, in an effort to get the most out of life, I think we sometimes miss what’s right in front of us.
I can’t guarantee that this will be the best writing, in fact I suspect that trying to be clever will sabotage my desire to be honest, and real. That’s a trap I often fall into. Life’s too short to put on pretenses and pretend to be something we’re not, hey?
I am what I am, by the grace of God, no more no less, and I do not want to pretend to be anything different. Let that be the mantra of these writings.